by Sue Firth
The house buying and selling process is seen by many people as very stressful. Few of us would think of it as fun, yet there are people who undertake the purchase of a house, refurbishment and subsequent sale of the same house, make it a career and actually do call it fun!!!
For the rest of us mortals, many of us don’t enjoy it and there are four broad reasons for this. In brief these are as follows:
• the lack of control we have over the process;
• the expectations we have of everyone and every part of the process involved;
• the pressure we are under to get everything in place,
• the inevitable waiting once the chain is established.
Essentially, there is a difference between a ’source’ of stress and a ’cause’ of stress. It feels like the sources of stress, which are external to us - the people, situation or events we take part in, are numerous in the house buying/ selling process. Each of these aspects requires a technique on our behalf to manage the patience and simultaneous frustration that the process can demand. We also need to recognize that our stress comes from what goes on inside our heads as we struggle to handle the volume of information, make sense of what we can and can’t control in the process, and manage the relationships involved. In other words, it is our own thoughts about the people, situation or events that contribute to our stress. In many cases this is because we do not feel in control over the situation; our expectations of the process may need adjusting; the pressure we feel under to achieve everything in a short time frame can add to it, and the tension of waiting for the chain to exchange, are ALL ‘causes’ of stress. It therefore lies within our own capability to try to adjust to these features of the buying and selling process. We have to tackle our own thoughts as much as using techniques to tackle the other people and processes involved.
The pressure we are under is partly generated by the speed with which houses are selling around you. This can benefit your own sale (if you have a marketable property), but makes you feel pressured to buy a house quickly because ’if you don’t, other people will!’ It is one of Murphy’s Laws I have found, that as soon as you start the purchasing process, agents send you 10 or more houses that look like an even closer version of your dream house than the one you’ve gone for leaving you with a sense that if you’d waited longer something else even better may come along. Agents do know what they’re doing though and they do send you everything they have so if your intuition tells you you’ve bought well then be happy with what you’re buying.
At the moment the market is in your favour; fewer people are buying and houses can be cheaper than they used to be so recognize that you do have time to do a thorough search. Sign up for several agents books and restrict the price range that the details cover; that way you are not encouraged to spend more than you can afford. Be determined and ask for what you want then stay in touch with your Agent on a regular basis contacting them to discuss what you want and viewing as often as your diary will permit. Take your time and discover what you want. You may have to come to terms with getting less than you want if your area doesn’t afford you as many luxuries as you’d like but perseverance may grab you a bargain if you’re willing to put in the time and effort to restore the property.
Choose Agents based on more than their fee structure. Some may offer low rates but have no track record for selling, you need to feel they know the area and know how to sell well. Ask for testimonials about their service and be prepared to sit and chat about general subjects so that you can get a sense of the rapport you build.
Equally, be prepared to ask them for a variety of ideas about the possible sale of your property. Many of the larger agents expect a fee up front for support in advertising your property. This is to protect them of course but it has become so much the norm that few people question it. Again, an agent with your best interests in mind will take a risk for you if you stay with them. Do your homework before you take them on and you can settle better to trusting them to do the job.
It might also be worth your while to encourage competition amongst potential buyers, by forcing them in to a schedule of viewing of your house. It’s possible that when someone is viewing your house and another buyer is visible, they will feel favourable pressure to purchase quickly. It may be a little uncomfortable but it is ’using the system’ for your own gain.
The house buying/ selling ‘game’ is also a ‘waiting’ game. Waiting for the searches/surveyor’s report and mortgage valuation to be completed are all stages that carry pressures of their own - "Will the searches find anything of concern?" "Will the Surveyor find something which is problematic enough to result in a withdrawal from the chain? Or "Will the valuation support the purchase price?" as well as "Will the mortgage company even lend us the money?"
Often the remedy for stress is to take action! ASK questions, get INVOLVED and keep INFORMED. Take part or involve yourself in as many stages of this process as you can. Find a reputable, frank agent who will help you rather than ‘feed you lines’ about the sale price of your own property or the progress of things as you move through the stages. Be prepared to talk openly about the type of sale you want, have a hand in the production of the details (particularly a picture of the best view of your property), and find a solicitor who is approachable - keep in touch with everyone so that you feel informed.
This brings me to the third area, that of ‘expectations’ about the process. We often have high expectations of most things in life - that they will go well and that people will behave in accordance with the rules/courtesies we ourselves observe. The house buying/selling process has become well known for not observing these delicacies. People don’t always behave the way you want them to when such large sums are at stake. I have heard of numerous examples where outgoing sellers have taken everything including the light bulbs in order to recoup something they feel is of value for their new house. It can be tedious and frustrating but have patience and try not to fight a battle with someone unless you really feel it’s of value to do so. In the bigger scheme of things if you really want the house you will re-decorate or plan things differently to make your mark on it anyway.
It is all too easy to ‘feed’ your imagination by tipping the balance of the scales away from ‘keeping yourself informed’, and moving to ‘interfering’ or adding to the pressure. Enthusiasm breeds enthusiasm in any situation in life. Similarly, tension and anxiety breed tension and anxiety. You will not help yourself if you feed your own fears with anticipated failure throughout the stages. There is just too much of the process that you do not in fact control - unless you plan to take on the ultimate challenge, which is conducting your own searches and/or conveyancing!
This brings me to the final cause of stress in the buying/selling of houses. The perceived lack of control of the process can be incredibly stressful for many of us. We tend to feel better about this issue though, if we take action over things we do have control of. This again involves following the recommended guidelines for adjusting our expectations and coping with the waiting game as outlined above. These actions will put us in a stronger position.
Many of us expect that agents, solicitors, purchasers and those from whom we purchase will operate in our timeframe or order of priority. It can seem to us that they do not have any order or priority to their thoughts then we are left frustrated and angry at the apparent lack of action on issues we see as important. This difficulty is very similar to that experienced by many employees in organizations. They feel overwhelmed with work when asked to take on something that is a priority to the person who gives the work but does not take in to account the current workload. The Manager giving the work is not made aware of the employee’s situation and the employee remains frustrated and resentful as a result. Managers in many cases are not malicious anymore than solicitors are malicious. They do not avoid you or deliberately ignore your need for action any more than other people’s needs. However, like the manager, they are not mind readers. It is vital therefore, to discuss your expectations with them. How you want to sell your property, how quickly you wish to move, how quickly you want to sell to a purchaser and how much time you have to find another house.
All these issues involve the time-frames and priorities of other people - discuss your own needs with them but equally be prepared to negotiate. Show willing where you can so that you’re realistic about how quickly things can really be done. For example, I’ve heard people who have exchanged and completed on their properties in a 6-week time-frame but I hear of far more who take 3 months or more. Adjusting your expectations to anticipate what can and often does go wrong isn't being negative, it’s being sensible. I find if I cease to put other people under too much pressure, I cease to be under pressure myself!
In conclusion, the house buying and selling process is difficult – it’s fraught with tension and frustration but managing the situation is about asking for what you need; negotiating your expectations; staying involved with what you can control and keeping informed of the process. Be determined but be fair and everyone wins!
Sue Firth is a Business Psychologist and Stress expert. She runs a business called Whealth Ltd based in Surrey and central London.
If you would like more information on stress please visit her website: www.yourwhealth.com where you can find a CD on stress called ‘Taking the Stress out of Life’ priced at £10.00 plus VAT and postage and her book which is available in April called ‘More Life – Less Stress; a practical guide to increasing well-being and staying sane in a mad world!’ priced at £9.99 plus VAT and postage.
